Life is full of “glasses half empty” people who seem to always find the worst in every situation – gloomy, downcast individuals whose negativity can be branded as “toxic”.
But what about the “glass-half-full” types who insist on “looking on the bright side” and always tell friends and co-workers to “put on a brave face” and “smile through your problems”?
Psychologists have suggested that “toxic positivity” — the belief that no matter how bad a situation is, people must maintain a positive attitude — could be just as dangerous.
While intentions can come from the right place, telling someone in a tight spot to “stay positive” can minimize their problems or sweep them under the rug—if it took some effort to bring them out in the first place.
Toxic positivity is when, no matter how bad a situation is, someone tells you to keep a positive attitude
Speaking of the effects of toxic positivity on people, Samara Quintero, a licensed marriage and family therapist, said, “By denying our truth, we begin to live inauthentically with ourselves and with the world.
“We lose connection with ourselves, which makes it difficult for others to connect and relate to us.
“We might look resilient on the outside, but on the inside we’re just terrified little teddy bears dying for a hug.”
To help you avoid this type of situation, here are 14 telltale signs of toxic positivity at work or at home.
Complimenting someone excessively for losing weight
I think we’ve all heard that kind of conversation at some point: “Oh my god! You’ve lost so much weight, you look amazing!’
But have we ever wondered if that’s actually a compliment?
Congratulating someone on losing weight can make them feel like they only look good if they weigh less and are usually fat.
It might also make them feel like you’ve always thought of them as fat — even though they might not be.
Telling someone to be thankful for what they have
When someone comes to you with a problem, telling them to ignore their feelings and focus on what they should be grateful for in their life can do a lot more harm than you think.
When discussing your emotions and feelings, it’s always best to let that person speak and explain how they’re feeling.
To dismiss that immediately and tell them to focus on something good in their lives may not be the best advice.
It could cause someone to bury that bad feeling, which could lead to more problems later.
‘Everything happens for a reason…’
Broke up with someone? Fired from your job? Don’t worry, everything happens for a reason…
For someone going through a difficult moment, this can be really annoying.
Instead of telling someone this, try to resonate with that person’s feelings and come up with a solution that way.
Telling someone to be thankful for what they have and that “everything happens for a reason” can be potentially harmful
Smile!
Just because a person smiles doesn’t mean they’re happy.
Telling someone to just “smile” when they’re feeling down can be extremely dismissive and insensitive.
It can also, in turn, cause someone to bury important feelings that should be discussed and dealt with.
Offer non-specific help
I think we’ve all been guilty of saying those dreaded cliche words after someone goes through something difficult: “Let me know if there’s anything I can do.”
Even when we think we’re helping, and really want to help, asking someone what you can do for them rarely helps.
This person may not want to feel like a burden asking for help.
Instead, if you know there’s something you can do that can help, do it! Do not ask.
‘I’m so busy!’
Constantly telling everyone in your life that you are so busy and barely have time for anything can actually make you seem important.
Addressing the fact that you’re busy can make someone feel like maybe they’re not working hard enough, even though they are doing it.
Or it could mean that someone who needs your help then avoids you because they don’t want to burden you further.
‘It could be worse’
Similar to “everything happens for a reason,” “it could be worse” is another dangerous saying that can keep people from speaking about their true feelings.
Negative feelings don’t have to be such a terrible thought, and addressing what’s making you unhappy can be helpful.
Telling someone, “Well, at least you’re not dead,” ignores the real issues.
The phrase “it could be worse” might sound harmless, but maybe it’s time to think about it
Telling someone their job is so much harder than yours
While you might think that sharing anecdotes about problems in your life will help someone going through a similar situation, saying that your life is so much harder than theirs and they should essentially suck it up can be extremely problematic .
Everyone is different and responds differently to challenges at work, at home and in social life.
Just because you might be able to handle stress at work or work longer hours doesn’t mean someone else can, and it’s okay for them to say they’re struggling.
Compliment someone in difficult times
When someone comes to you with a problem, your instinct might tell you to turn your back on the problem and compliment them to make them feel happy.
However, telling someone that their hair looks beautiful when they are going through a breakup can in turn lead to a build-up of repressed negative feelings.
Someone who is obviously in a difficult situation doesn’t want to hear about how glowing their skin looks…
Say: ‘Just be positive!’
Of course, it is important to maintain a positive attitude towards life.
However, there comes a time when staying positive doesn’t really help solve the problem.
Just telling someone to stay strong and be positive doesn’t allow them to explore their true feelings – happy or sad.