Two shadows embrace Angy Fernández (Palma de Mallorca, 33 years old) on stage after sending her voice into the stratosphere in the seconds before the last chorus of Sé qué soy. Of course, the actress and singer integrated her fears into the song with which she officially returned to the world of music on Tuesday evening. Years ago, when he realized that he had neither a clear sound project in mind nor the necessary emotional stability, he decided to concentrate on interpretation. He voluntarily asked to terminate his contract with Sony. The record company is accompanying him again in his relaunch at the Benidorm Fest, in the first semi-final of which he thrilled the audience alongside Zorra de Nebulossa.
Her proposal to represent Spain at the Eurovision Song Contest is supported by a two-time winner of the competition: Thomas Gustafsson, author of Loreen's two victories (“Euphoria” and “Tattoo”). He is one of the composers who helped her shape the song based on the intimate lyrics she wrote herself. The Swede is the one who benefits most from the collaboration between the two. It's Angy's live skills that give the song shine, rather than the other way around. In his verse he bluntly describes his stage fright and the pressure he feels to excel as an artist, although in the 16 years he has been on television there is no record of a live performance of his that was not outstanding . He started talking about his mental health issues five years ago, when it wasn't yet fashionable to talk about it. And since then, he hasn't been afraid to talk about depression, suicide, toxic romance, guilt, and how to work on self-love.
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For many visitors to the Palau d'Esports l'Illa in Benidorm, she is a generational reference as one of the protagonists of the youth series Physics or Chemistry. He was the one who made Spanish youth want to be emo. The public knows his story and while his presentation video was broadcast on Tuesday at the TVE gala, he supported the Mallorcan just a second after she took the stage.
Questions. It was exciting to see the connection the audience felt with you before you even started singing.
Answer. I felt a lot of affection. I was already excited beforehand. It was a roller coaster ride and I was excited but I also felt a lot of pressure because I wanted everything to go well. I have sung and competed on television many times, but I was particularly nervous. The song touches me very much. The moment of the hug almost makes me cry; I have to hold myself back for the last beat of the song. I hope that I can improve a few things vocally for the final on Saturday.
Q It's very easy to see things from the outside, but it's incredible that he can be so insecure about his abilities on stage.
R. More than uncertainty, I would talk about demand. Since people have known me for a long time and read that there were so many expectations placed on me, I had to perform well and be comfortable with what came out on stage.
Q I Know Who I Am is a personal proposal but at the same time very professional and very focused on fitting into Eurovision.
R. Tony Sánchez-Ohlsson suggested that I run this year [es compositor eurovisivo, asesor del Benidorm Fest y quien invitó a Chanel a participar en la primera edición]. I prepared a proposal and could count on people of Thomas' level… which is a luxury but also another pressure. The good thing about it is that not only is he doing things from someone as great as Loreen, but he also comes from heavy metal, so he liked the idea that I wanted to put guitars in the song.
Q. Each artist who performs at the Benidorm Fest finances their production, although they can ask RTVE for help in some technical aspects. In his case, he chose not to record a music video and instead invested everything in this week's scenery.
R. Not only was this a way to save the budget, I also felt that in this case I should focus on the live performance. I wanted to save it for this moment. I knew what I wanted to say, I had to do it on stage.
Q He won the first one. Your face looks familiar to me. The program featured great live artists such as Jorge González and María Peláe (both also at Benidorm Fest 2024), who fail to consolidate a career as musicians. Is there a lack of repertoire in the Spanish industry?
R. There are so many of us… And in music you have to be clear about your personality and work hard to define it. That's why I left it aside. I was unsure about my identity and my insecurities led me to often compare myself.
Q In 2019, he opened up about his mental health issues on social media. There weren't many public faces doing that back then and we tried to chat about it almost immediately, but he didn't want to do it anymore.
R. I was overwhelmed. Everyone started calling me. It wasn't a marketing thing. My representative told me that I could have made the announcement to let it be known another way. I felt better and just wanted to talk about the demons that I had been battling for a long time and that we all have.
Q So he did it from a positive position.
R. Yes. At that moment, I had left a rather immature and toxic relationship that left me longing for a stable and healthy relationship. I was fine in the theater, my family was there… I decided to say that I was feeling better. The networks have kept me connected to people even though I haven't sung in recent years. I noticed that they thanked me for being open about my stuff. I thought it would be a good way to apply it to music now.
Q He has commented that at the moment of his greatest popularity, with the television series, he had the most fears. She compared herself to her co-stars.
R. Yes, that's some Pivons and it touched me. Not because of them, they were my friends. It was the external comments. I experienced a lot with Ursula [Corberó] and she's always been this confident girl. That's why he's a global star. And I admire her. When we were at home in our pajamas, he would show me his insecurities, but he decided that wasn't what he wanted to show the world. And it has come to this.
Q And there were no social networks…
R. But Forocoches was already there. I wasn't even 20 years old and they called me everything. Orc, Dwarf, Neckless. And it got worse when they said, “She's ugly, but I fucked her.” Before that, when I was in Mallorca and started going out with my friends using a fake ID, I never had any physical complexes. I went for my emo look and flirted purely out of attitude. I didn't compare myself to anyone.
Q Has the pandemic helped with these mental health issues?
R. Despite the great tragedy it meant to the world, it helped keep me locked in a bubble. I didn’t have to perform or demonstrate. I released that pressure.
Q And then there's the guilt of feeling depressed when you're objectively living in a privileged situation.
R. It happens to me again and again. Sometimes I find it hard to enjoy it. Luckily the algorithm has changed, but until recently it was all about feeling good and showing it, even if you woke up and just wanted to cry. Psychiatrists help a lot, but it must be combined with psychological therapy, because the pills only cover up the problem and do not solve it.
Q He has also spoken of having suicidal thoughts.
R. That's why you feel guilty too. When your head tells you that it can't take it anymore and despite all the tools that were at my disposal (because I was able to spend a lot of money on therapy that helped me a lot), to think that you're hitting the wall again … I thought: Will my whole life be like this? Will I be sad all my life?
Q Don't you think about it anymore?
R. I realize that I would never do it for the people who love me, but when I see that someone did it, it makes me so sad, I feel so much compassion… and I even understand them. If you ask for help, there is always a way out. I would like to be able to share my experiences not only in interviews, but also in lectures. To support all young people who are on the path to finding their own identity.
Q. After all the initial hate Chanel received, did you think twice about coming to Benidorm?
A. Yes, I was wondering if I would be prepared for the criticism. But the people around me told me that people respect and love me a lot. And so I felt it. Then, for whatever reason, the suggestion is not the one chosen because it doesn't matter.
[El Ministerio de Sanidad promueve la Línea telefónica 024 de atención a la conducta suicida].
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