Leidy Klotz, a professor of engineering and architecture at the University of Virginia and father of two, and Yael Schonbrun, a clinical psychologist, an assistant professor at Brown University and a mother of three, have been paying less attention to children lately. And they’re better for it, they think. “I try to ignore them a little bit every day,” says Schonbrun, whose children are 5, 9, and 12 years old.
“By occasionally withdrawing their children’s attention, Klotz and Schonbrun are applying a lesson learned from research Klotz has been doing with children ages 7 and 3 in recent years: It’s human nature to have problems with addition solving, even by subtracting, would give a better result.
They arrived at this conclusion through a series of creative experiments published in the journal Nature, performing tasks such as repairing a Lego structure (removing a brick was the best solution) or attempting to create a symmetrical square pattern (the key was to erase the squares). , do not add them). But when he desperately bought a rocking device late one night to soothe his newborn baby, Klotz understood how this trend was affecting parents.
Upon learning of the purchase, Schönbrun, who met Klotz through his podcast Psychologists Off the Clock, pointed out that he had fallen into the research trap: his approach to solving the problem of a crying baby was to add another device, instead of concentrating, let’s say, following a consistent sleep pattern.
There are experts who advocate “minimalist parenting” or advise parents to give their children less praise, less attention, fewer activities and fewer toys. Research shows a link between overinvolved parents and young adults with issues like burnout, an inability to regulate their emotions or anxiety, and depression.
natural tendency
But Klotz’s research helps to understand the reasons scientifically as a natural tendency, not a parental error.
Why did humans develop this mental shortcut? One theory has it that this provided evolutionary advantages more food, more mates, more focus on children would increase a family’s chances of survival. And while civilizations have evolved, “adding was the best way,” Klotz noted.
Schönbrun explained that there is also a possible psychological reason for the tendency to add: people’s eagerness to avoid uncertainty. “When we’re not feeling well, we want to develop a sense of security,” which we can try adding something to ensure the results we want — whether it’s gathering more food so our kids don’t go hungry, or signing up for more activities.
In addition to evolutionary and psychological imperatives, modern cultural influences may also be at work, Schonbrun conceded. “We’ve evolved into this culture of the more the merrier… more culture, more nurturing of your children’s interests, more activities, more varied food, simply more of everything.” Klotz and Schönbrun suspect that this also has something to do with the fact that parents are constantly are under pressure and overwhelmed. One of Klotz’s experiments showed that people under high cognitive load are more likely to rely on mental shortcuts and miss opportunities to subtract.
“We often think about what our responsibilities are, what we should be doing, and very rarely do we think about what to stop doing.” This trend was demonstrated by the experiment, in which participants were asked to create an itinerary for a traveller Day trip to Washington, DC. The itinerary presented was impractical as it included 14 activities that required a two hour travel time (no traffic). However, only 1 in 4 participants removed an activity.
Whether it’s a day trip or weeks of classes, sports and activities, “we end up not having a very rich experience because we’re stressed and overworked,” Schonbrun concluded. “It’s kind of a modern father situation, I guess.”