You wouldn’t have expected the new Netflix NFL docuseries to have Vikings quarterback Kirk Cousins quoting Margaret Thatcher in the first episode, but there it is anyway.
“If my critics saw me walk on water, they would say it’s because I can’t swim,” says Cousins, paying tribute to the former British prime minister but slightly distorting the quote.
Thatcher did indeed say “walk across the Thames,” but Cousins gets the gist of it right.
To be clear, at no point in “Quarterback” does Cousins imply that he walks on water. In fact, he comes across as normal and decent as you can expect from any person who has made more than $230 million playing a game.
Everyone in Quarterback looks pretty good. It’s all about this. Hagiography packaged as a sports documentary. It’s Netflix at its core – shiny and glittery with the right music in the right places. It’s good clean fun. Clean in the sense that it’s safe for most viewers outside of Patrick Mahomes’ potty mouth. And clean in the sense that it’s disinfected.
Netflix doesn’t tell us about the cousins’ millions or the contracts of the other two stars — Mahomes and then-Falcons, now Eagles quarterback Marcus Mariota (Mahomes will make almost half a billion dollars in his pro career, and Mariota already does). is north of $60 million. It’s a glimpse into the role of a quarterback in the NFL, but it doesn’t quite get inside.
It shows us a scripted sit-down reaction from Mahomes to the whole Burrowhead talk, but that’s all it tells us. It addresses Mariota’s chaotic departure from Atlanta, but doesn’t go into the matter very deeply. Even cousins haircut is a little too perfect. (I mean, it looks like someone 3D printed the “perfect haircut.”)
Peyton Manning is the executive producer of “Quarterback” and his only appearance on the series is in Episode 1, in which he describes playing that position as “the toughest job in the sport.” The show aims to give us an idea of why that is. And it does. In his own way.
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On Wednesday I watched all eight episodes of “Quarterback” which are between 43 and 56 minutes long. That’s almost two full weeks of Kyler Murray film study on Netflix, so we can break down each episode.
Episode 1 – The Search
Longtime fans of Formula 1 racing are likely to hold back during portions of Drive to Survive, and die-hard NFL fans will likely do the same on Quarterback. The show aims to be accessible to people who lead diverse and fulfilling lives, and not just football fans. As such, a lot of time is spent in Episode 1 trying to figure out who these people are.
It also begins to place them in their archetypes. Mahomes is the superstar. Cousins is the journeyman (You have to be a little incredulous when you picture a guy with Scrooge McDuck’s bank account as your journeyman, but you know what you signed up for.) Mariota is the guy who lives to the last dollar .
We first meet Mariota when he and his wife Kiyomi visit an office to view a 3D ultrasound scan of their first child. The series immediately begins to borrow heavily from Mariota’s “New Beginnings” narrative.
If you’ve been following the 2022 season, you know what’s coming. If not, then guard your heart a little.
Episode 2 – Homecoming
Throughout the series, we get glimpses of the good life that is offered to NFL quarterbacks—great homes, private jets, nice cars, etc.—there’s never a moment on the show that screams “bang” louder than Episode 2, when the Mahomes family visits the Fun Farm, or at least what appears to be the Fun Farm, according to careful forensic analysis – a fall festival, a fun family farm in Kearney, Missouri, just outside of Kansas City.
Anyone who has visited one of these human ant farms on a beautiful fall day will immediately notice that the site is closed due to Mahomes’ visit. Do you have any idea what kind of superstar you have to be to get the full VIP package at Fun Farm? No crowds. no lines No tripping over other people’s children. This will be my lasting memory of the entire series.
From a football perspective, the most interesting part of this episode is Mahomes’ personal trainer Bobby Stroupe (whom he’s worked with since fourth grade) comparing the quarterback to an owl. It kind of makes sense and will change the way you watch Mahomes play.
Cousins takes up the “Like that?!” one more time. Play and take a tour of the “memory room” in his home, and the Mariota thread continues by highlighting the fine line between success and failure, especially for a player who acknowledges that his confidence has only grown as his career progresses has decreased.
Netflix picked a good season to follow quarterback Patrick Mahomes as he led the Chiefs to the Super Bowl title. (Denny Medley / USA Today)
Episode 3 – Kings of Pain
For the first time in the series, we get to see a truly dark side of one of the protagonists.
“I’m a big McDonald’s guy,” Mariota admits while discussing his efforts to keep his body in shape with his personal chef.
Mariota still treats herself to breakfast at Golden Arches on Mondays, but this episode takes a closer look at the efforts the three men make to stay healthy in a physically demanding position.
We can see Cousins getting a beating from the Bills, acknowledging that the beating is affecting the way he plays, and Mahomes calling himself a “compliment guy” to get defensive players to like him a little more .
“I feel like if these guys like me, they won’t finish (the hits) as hard,” he said.
Oh, and Mahomes hints that a different hairstyle is coming.
“I would have done it this year, but (sponsor) Head & Shoulders would have been crazy,” he said. “I can’t have two kids and a mohawk.”
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Episode 4 – mind games
This is the episode for die-hard football fans. Probably the most interesting 60 seconds of the series is Mahomes breaking down his pre-snap thought process while watching a Chargers defense play against the Rams. Eight episodes of this would be a widely watched TV program for the crazies, but Netflix would lose 90 percent of viewers after 90 seconds.
Mahomes also explains the Chiefs’ system for naming their play calls.
“One time we had one called ‘Phone Home’ for Sammy Watkins because he was interested in extraterrestrials,” says Mahomes.
We can see Cousins exercising his brain with a headband and beanie that measures his neural activity, and Mariota’s wife, a former Oregon soccer player, polling him about game attendance, which is a weekly habit at their house.
This episode really builds on the Mariota story. Here’s a really likeable guy who handles his ups and downs with humility and how great he played in defeating the 49ers. Don’t fall for it. They only prepare you to get hurt.
Episode 5 – Rollercoaster
When Mahomes says, “It’s crazy that seven points is so much different than three points,” every offensive coordinator watching at home bangs their coffee table and yells “thank you,” but that’s about all Patrick we are get in this episode.
This is the case where it doesn’t work out for Marcus. We see Mariota and Kiyomi assembling a crib for their daughter. The bottom line should be: look what an everyman this guy is. The real takeaway is this: someone needs to get this man a tool kit because he uses a tiny little multi-tool for everything.
We also see the Mariotas working with their charity foundation and visiting a children’s hospital, and Marcus throwing three touchdowns in a savage victory over the Panthers on his 29th birthday. Then comes a phase in which Mariota’s game drops significantly and the Falcons lose four out of five games.
“Yeah, it sucks to lose. Yes, you feel like you’re letting a lot of people down,” he says. “You really go into a dark place.”
We can see Mariota throwing a pass off his back in the second game of the season against the Panthers from multiple perspectives. It does not look good.
“At that point, there was a bit of a lull offensively,” he says. “My natural instinct has always been that I’m the guy who’s going to do the play. That selfish attitude kind of gets me in trouble.”
Mariota meets with Falcons head coach Arthur Smith the day after his daughter is born. We don’t see this meeting. Instead, we see a clip of Kiyomi talking about being still in the hospital when she “got a text from him that they’re going the other way.” It’s an “ouch” moment.
Following this decision, Mariota surprised the Falcons by leaving the team for knee surgery, which serves as a cliffhanger for the next episode.
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Episode 6 – Under pressure
The next time we see Mariota after his mid-December change of banks is in 2023, when he’s returned to Las Vegas and briefly shares his take on his decision to leave the team.
“I thought I would make a good decision for everyone,” he says.
Smith addresses the situation, expresses his affection for Mariota, and we move on.
With Mariota out of the way, the series revolves around preparing Cousins for his downfall. We see the Vikings quarterback answering fan mail and hanging around a bookstore in his trademark “So Dad It Hurts” style. (Speaking of Netflix, I’ll give you $50 if half of Cousins’ “Watch Again” column isn’t WWII documentaries.)
The playoff path — and Netflix history — ends for Vikings quarterback Kirk Cousins in a wildcard round-robin game against the Giants. (Jeffrey Becker / USA Today)
Episode 7 – Win or Go Home
Spoilers: Cousins goes home. The 34-year-old’s bid for his second career playoff win is thwarted by the Wildcard Giants when Cousins throws an inexplicably short pass on the fourth down on the last crucial play of the game.
He goes through his thought process on the play and then pensively drives home with his wife Julie. The wives get nearly as much screen time as the quarterbacks throughout the series, which often makes for an interesting perspective and certainly has done well in the market with Netflix’s audience-maximizing algorithm.
Then Cousins will be gone and we’ll only be left with Mahomes. It’s like an NFL version of Survivor.
On the field, we see Mahomes’ playoff ankle injury and hear his debrief with head coach Andy Reid about whether he’s busted from a game. It sounds remarkably like trying to get a 9 year old to take a bath when that 9 year old has an extremely foul mouth.
“Why can’t I do that at halftime?” Mahomes pleads at one point.
Off the field we get our first glimpse of Mahomes’ house under construction. Allow me to describe the house. Close your eyes and imagine the house that a 27-year-old would build on a $450 million contract. That’s it. And it’s great.
Episode 8 – The final chapter
Basically, we just bow to everything. Mahomes gets revenge on Joe Burrow and the Bengals (I’m still upset we didn’t catch anything from the audition/locker room since Mahomes and the Chiefs have been reacting to all the Cincinnati trash talk), and Mahomes wins the Super Bowl.
The Mahomes family goes to Disneyland, we catch up with cousins and Mariota briefly and they all live happily ever after for the most part.
Should you watch Quarterback? Yes, you should check this out. It’s football and it’s July.
(Top photo of Marcus Mariota, left, Kirk Cousins and Patrick Mahomes: Randy Shropshire/Getty Images for Netflix)