A millionaire Park Slope mother in an open marriage has revealed her emotional turmoil – from furious jealousy when her husband cavorted with his ex to enduring bad sex in seedy hourly motels.
Molly Roden Winter, 51, opened her marriage to her husband of ten years, Stewart, with whom she had two children, in 2008.
Now the English teacher turned best-selling author has detailed the ups and downs of her polyamorous marriage in great detail in her new best-selling book, More: A Memoir of Open Marriage.
But instead of a lighthearted journey of sexual discovery, some reviews describe the memoir as “sad,” as Roden Winter spent much of the book in tears as she struggled with the idea of her husband sleeping with other women.
Molly Roden Winter chronicled the ups and downs of her polyamorous marriage in her new memoir
The English teacher opened up about her marriage to her husband Stewart, who she was married to for almost a decade
Roden Winter, who lives with her family in Brooklyn, recalls how she was the first to have an affair within marriage after meeting a younger man when she felt burdened by raising two young children.
She is in her mid-thirties and describes herself as “the nose wiper, the dishwasher, the house complainer.”
After a busy day of child care at home and frustrated with her husband having to work late, Roden Winter went for a walk and ended up having a drink with a friend.
She meets a younger man at a bar and strikes up a flirtatious conversation.
When she tells her husband Stewart, 56, about the interaction later that evening, he isn't angry but instead encourages her to sleep with the new acquaintance.
But while she initially enjoys the excitement of having a new lover, Roden Winter becomes tormented when her husband asks if he can now sleep with his ex-girlfriend Lena.
“The thought of them together makes me feel like I’ve fallen to the bottom of a well,” she writes.
“I’m not sure,” I say, still not looking at him. I'm afraid I'll start crying otherwise.'
She reluctantly agrees, but asks, “Doesn't he know I'm lying?” Does he?''
“Roden Winter sobs in hotel rooms on business trips, she sobs in hotel rooms on sex trips, she sobs in her own home in Park Slope,” reads a review of the memoir
The couple's $4.3 million Park Slope brownstone home in Brooklyn, New York
The English teacher and best-selling author has detailed the ups and downs of her polyamorous marriage in her new memoir: More
One of the author's lovers “forgets” to use a condom, while another insists on meeting at a paid motel
Stewart soon begins dating a number of other women, causing Roden Winter to become filled with jealousy and occasionally ask to remarry.
“Molly was perhaps more sophisticated than I was at that point,” Stewart told The New York Times, describing his early polyamorous dating experience as “at a salad bar.”
Her own sexual exploits, on the other hand, often leave her feeling exploited and unhappy as she searches for new partners on various online dating websites.
One of the author's lovers “forgets” to use a condom, while another insists on meeting at an hourly wage motel.
Other interactions are more meaningful but later end more badly, with one “ghosting” her and another dumping her when he finds out she has her husband's permission to date other men.
“Having bad sex taught me a lot more about what makes sex good,” she told the Times.
“I also wanted to tell the truth about how hard it was.”
The mother of two eventually begins therapy and diagnoses herself as a “people pleaser” with low self-esteem.
“It's like I'm just reacting to what men want,” she tells the therapist.
The memoir ends in 2018, when Roden Winter's boyfriend, whose wife recently divorced him, separated from her after she refused to end her own marriage
“From my perspective, it seems like Stewart is having nothing but fun as he pursues the open marriage path,” she explains.
“We're here because I don't want to have an open marriage anymore.” “But Stewart does,” Roden Winter later tells her couples therapist.
At one point she confronts Stewart: “If you want to protect me,” I shout, “don’t make me do it anymore!”
“Stop dating Kiwi and whoever and just be with me!” Don’t you get it! I can not do this anymore!'
After being convinced to move forward with polyamory, Roden Winter has two threesomes with two separate boyfriends, but admits he doesn't enjoy either of them.
The memoir ends in 2018, when Roden Winter's boyfriend, whose wife recently divorced him, separated from her after she refused to end her own marriage.
Winter was heartbroken and described crying in Stewart's arms.
Roden Winter eventually begins seeing a therapist and realizes that she has low self-esteem
Stewart Winter enjoyed having sex with his ex-girlfriend during his open marriage
A review of the memoir states, “Roden Winter sobs in hotel rooms on business trips, she sobs in hotel rooms on sex trips, she sobs in her own home in Park Slope.”
It concludes: “For every orgasm scene, there are three sobbing fits.”
Other reviews were more generous, with The New York Times describing the book as “stunningly candid” as she “shed her internalized sexism and her tendency to put the needs of others before her own.”
Roden Winter herself claims that being polyamorous makes her feel like she is seen as something other than a wife and mother.
“We expect mothers to be selfless. And 'selfless' is often seen as the opposite of selfish, but I want to make a new word: 'selfful,'” she told the Times of London.
“You should have a complete self, you shouldn't have to give up yourself to be a mother.” I don't think that's helpful for children either.”
She added that her marriage is “strong” and said: “We're having the best sex we've ever had in 24 years of marriage, which is encouraging.”
Jessica Fearn, a psychotherapist for people in open relationships, found that books by mothers in open marriages are still very rare – perhaps because they are so busy.
Speaking to the New York Times, she said: “Her story about what it means for a mother to be erotically charged, I haven't seen enough of that story.”
Roden Winter has also spoken about her experiences in an open marriage on the social media platform TikTok.
In a candid video, she talks about how she deals with jealousy towards her husband's friends and partners.
“There were many years when I didn't handle it very gracefully,” she admits.
“It was really, really hard, but it’s gotten a lot easier for me.”
“In romantic relationships, there is a kind of jealousy and possessiveness that we think is natural and right.”
“But we don’t extend that to friendships that aren’t romantic.”
“I would never say to any of my friends, 'It's really important to me that you're just friends with me.'”
“It’s not quite the same, but that’s how it feels to me now.”
Roden Winter is still polyamorous with a longtime restaurateur boyfriend, whose wife has a girlfriend, the Times reported.
Her husband Stewart has had a girlfriend of eight years.